May I Love You?

To the reader: If this is your first time on my blog, many greetings; If you've been here before, happy returns to you. Everything you read here will be my genuine unfiltered thoughts and secrets, explaining in full detail everything about me, piece by piece. I wish that you read on without prejudice or judgement, for I am not a perfect person, and I hope that you can connect and empathize with my life's story. -Alex

It's been a long while since I've written anything.

To quickly recap the last 2-3 months or so, I've been rather busy working for group projects and studying.

Regrets: I haven't made time to parkour, at all. I even had to skip out on a few acting sessions to make time for all my work.

Accomplishments: I've maintained a B+ average for my projects thus far, I've conducted at least 3 sessions now for SPART'ists, all the while being able to sleep on a daily basis for a reasonable amount of time. On top of that, I've also been able to make time to show up for several music-related events, and hanging out with the Music Club gang (Aalex, Irwin, Hariz, Annabel, Darren, and a few others). And playing poker. (Axam, Farhad, Farhat, Hazwan, Guru, Mark)

Last week, I went clubbing for the first time with a few of my lovely Spartans (Surayyn, Tasha, Zahrin), while making new friends (*cough* Angeline, Arjun, Deepa, Irwin), while reconnecting with others (Enrico, Sid). It was... intense. Turns out, after about 5-shots of Black Label I turn into a dancer. Or something.

The thing I remember most though: Tasha

I kept eye on her the whole night, making sure she wasn't being boy-handled by the wrong boys, and she showed me a startling amount of compassion when she checked on me afterwards when I had a tinsy bit too much to drink.

Long story short, I woke up realizing that I really cared for Tasha. Deeply.
This wasn't unknown to me; I've always known she was the type of girl I'd fall in love with if I wasn't careful, and up till now I've always self-restricted myself from loving another Spartan. That being said, however, it just really surprised me how much I've grown to care for Tasha.

She's a close friend, family, and I've considered her as a potential partner before, prior to self-restricting myself. I don't know what caused me to suddenly wake up one day and realize the feelings I had for her, but I was caught in a seriously difficult choice for a while.

Do I pursue this opportunity, knowing fully well that things might turn *VERY* ugly? Or do I leave it and live in regret for the opportunity I never tried?

She's busy with her own life issues; her boyfriend very apparently does not care for her the same way she cares for him, there's been ugly rumours spread around by what were supposed to be close friends, and overall she's very conflicted with everything.

My end solution was then this: self-happiness.

I will start doing more things to make myself a happier person. More acting, more dancing, more parkour'ing; I want to radiate happiness. Hopefully then, one day she'll see that I want to share my happiness with her, and even if she never does, I'll at least be happy on my own.


In the meantime, I've started showing up at Starbucks on campus; I've met about 20 different people, half of which I'm sure are indifferent to my appearance, and another half probably disliking me for upsetting the balance of the place; but quite frankly I don't care. I'm going to start showing up more frequently and keep an eye on her. Seeing Tasha depressed hurts me in more ways than one, and I want to be there if she should need me.

If ever one day she reads this, for whatever reason: I hope you know that I've got you, no matter what, and I would never take advantage of you regardless of what state you are in. I've seen you at your best, and damn near to your worst; but I hope you know you are an irreplaceable, spectacular individual. Don't ever forget that.

"You are a recording" -Tasha 2015