Reflecting One-Four

To the reader: If this is your first time on my blog, many greetings; If you've been here before, happy returns to you. Everything you read here will be my genuine unfiltered thoughts and secrets, explaining in full detail everything about me, piece by piece. I wish that you read on without prejudice or judgement, for I am not a perfect person, and I hope that you can connect and empathize with my life's story. -Alex

This is going to be my final post for the year.

Technically, it's already 2015 when I'm writing this, but it's barely passed and I wanted to wrap some things up with 2014.

First things first, reflections.

This year has been a year of self discovery. I learned a lot of things about myself, and I experienced a lot of different things. I ended a long-term relationship after 18 months, traveled to Europe alone, picked up parkour, fell madly in love with a stranger, had flings, lived through my greatest pain yet, performed and acted with the greatest of company, and ultimately realised the depth of my humanity.

Leanne, have fun in Australia. SPART, thank you for being family when I needed family. Dennis Yeap, I both hate you and love you for bringing out my human nature, but I feel and acknowledge that it was a necessary step to my evolution; thank you.

Ayat. I didn't want to cry while writing this. I told myself I wouldn't, because I'd cried too much for you already. For 33 days I cried daily to the thought of you, but no more. 2015 has come around, without you, and I thought that if there were any one person I would have wanted to spend tonight with, it would have been you. I dreamed that I saw you again, this time while I was running through the streets of London, and I saw you, and I imagined walking right up to you and saying hello.

You fucked me up, real bad. But I love you for it, I always will, no matter how much it hurts, or how much I'll look back and think what a moron I was. But this is also the last night I'll let myself cry, and this is the last time I will write to you. I don't have the time to regret a life I couldn't have lived.

2015, I dedicate you to expanding and perfecting my passions. I want to work harder in my studies, which includes SPART, as the skills I've learned from there are invaluable in my works with my course. I want to be better at writing and composing, be it stories, or poetry, or music. I want to spend a more serious amount of time writing my own works and breathing life into my own art. I want to be faster and more fluent in parkour, combining explosive strength with precision; to that end, I will begin my own practice of philosophy following Tayajura, including parkour, martial arts, and meditation. Finally, I want to be stronger, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I acknowledge that being a perfect person never is and never will be possible, but it's an essential part of me to continue striving to be my own brand of perfect. That being said, I want to be the best person that I can be. If I keep pursuing that idea of perfection, maybe someday I'll surpass it without realising.

Happy New Year to Me. I feel that 2015 is going to be my year, for once; and I want to have a great 21st year.