Wrath.

To the reader: If this is your first time on my blog, many greetings; If you've been here before, happy returns to you. Everything you read here will be my genuine unfiltered thoughts and secrets, explaining in full detail everything about me, piece by piece. I wish that you read on without prejudice or judgement, for I am not a perfect person, and I hope that you can connect and empathize with my life's story. -Alex

It's been a while since I've felt like I wanted to gouge out my eyes, and take a pair of blades to my own rib cage. That desire to rip my own organs out swells me up whenever I'm filled with a sense of absolute dread, or absolute rage.

Today, it was rage.

All my pent up stresses and anger were augmented by the realisation of my own incompetence yesterday, and the breaking point today was the apparent lack of civil decision making from a so called close friend. Simply put, there's no need to kick someone who's already down. Six times.

The icing of the cake was the usual appearance of Kaitlyn and her new pet.

Animosity aside, I'm sure Randall is a good person, and given a good day, I'm sure I could come to actually establish a proper friendship with him.

But this gnawing feeling of betrayal and secrecy only invoked my rage even further.

Warning: I'm about to rant.

What the actual fuck. Any other day I could tolerate your immature shit and not-so-subtle antics I've looked away from as often as I could; but WHY the actual fuck? Do you have to taunt me like this, with your new boyfriend so blatantly in front of me? I'm pissed at the fact that you're trying so hard to hide as if anything's happening. Starbucks has fucking GLASS WINDOWS for walls, I'm not fucking stupid. Am I not supposed to notice that when you guys come out and sit that you never talk while I'm around? Am I some kind of fucking taboo ward that stops you guys from continuing whatever it is you guys do? Was this supposed to 'help' me come to terms with it? Fucking patronizing, that's what it is.

Another thing; you can tell me whatever fucking excuse you have, that you're 'trying to get over it', that 'you found the fucking one', I don't care; Either you've lied to the whole time and you didn't actually love me, which would make me think so shallowly of you, or you're just so desperate to get laid or whatever it is that you just had to hop into another relationship-- in which case I think you're a stupid shallow slut.

I'm fucking horny all the time, but I don't go out finding a random relationship to get laid. TASHA has been fucking horny for over a year now, but she stuck to the hope of Ahmad getting back with her, and even AFTER he's denied her, she's not jumping into random relationships.

I'm sorry, but if this was supposed to make me feel indifferent, the way you've handled it has made me infuriated. If this was supposed to make me jealous, its made me sick. If this is really a relationship you want to be in, then you've made me number than I need to be; I already have enough people backstabbing me.


I'm getting really tired of your shit.