Method Acting, and I

To the reader: If this is your first time on my blog, many greetings; If you've been here before, happy returns to you. Everything you read here will be my genuine unfiltered thoughts and secrets, explaining in full detail everything about me, piece by piece. I wish that you read on without prejudice or judgement, for I am not a perfect person, and I hope that you can connect and empathize with my life's story. -Alex

A quick rundown on acting techniques:
Classic Acting: Expression of the body, voice, imagination, personalizing, improvisation, external stimuli, and script analysis.
Stanislavski's Technique: Use of personal experiences and feelings to connect with the character being portrayed.
Method Acting: The immersion of the character's psychological aspects and self-identification.
Meisner's Technique: Combining raw emotion with improvisation.
Practical Aesthetics: Breaking down of the character into 4 components: "Literal", "Want", "Essential Action", and "As If"

I cannot Method Act.

To those who do not know, Method Acting is a technique used in theatre to help the performer better become the character they are trying to portray by creating the feelings and emotions of the character within themselves, and fully immerse the performer with the persona they are trying to project.

The fact that I cannot Method Act itself does not disturb me; it never appealed to me in the sense that I've always had difficulty in immersing myself with a particular emotion, and while I myself am unsure of what form of acting I would best resemble, it would (from my knowledge) appear similar to Meisner's or Stanislavski's forms.

The point of this rant however is to bring out the realization as to why I cannot method act. It started off with the realisation that I am unable to directly connect with a character on an emotional level. This stems from my lack of attachment towards others emotionally, as I know that I do not generally generate emotions, but either mirror or share them. I empathize with others, but I do not strongly feel of my own volition. An example would be that if you were to feel hurt, I would not feel hurt because you were hurt, but rather I would feel hurt because you feel hurt.

At some point, earlier in my life, I suppose I suppressed my emotions to a point where I did not care much about them anymore, and as such, have little regard for my own emotions as they are not an outstanding attribute of myself. This leads me to believe that, if Method Acting is about immersing your real self to become something else, then perhaps I've been "acting" my current state of mind all this while, imitating a character who's emotions are suppressed.

This leads me to conclude that, if I were to properly attempt Method Acting now, I would break this safety and allow my "real" self to be free.

The thought of that genuinely scares me.

I've spent so long pushing down all these emotions because I hated the pain of rejection, all forms of it. People seem to be unable to understand that I simply want to be friends; hang out more, talk, get to know each other better. I face rejection all the time, but now it seems to have less impact; whether this is because I've suppressed emotions or because I've been accustomed to it remains unknown to me.

I'm probably just over-thinking things again as usual.